Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Forced to change.

Funny how as I begin writing this post the song "If you don't know me by now" from Simply Red plays on my TV. Even more ironic is that it was released in 1989 which is when this story of friendship begins.

I had a pretty great time during my high school years, a lot thanks to my best friend. We were total opposites in every way, but that's probably what made us so great together.

She had many boyfriends. She was very social and beautiful. I was an ugly duckling for years, but she helped me blossom, and I finally became visible to the opposite sex. (Finally)

I like to think I kept her more grounded, and she helped me fly!

Things changed. Boyfriends came and went, and we graduated. She went away to school for a short time but returned home. She'd had a hard reality to deal with, that neither she nor I would have ever thought would happen. Her dad left her mom for another woman. She was obviously devastated, and rightfully so. She found happiness with someone and moved in with him for a few years. The relationship ended, she moved back with her mom, and went away to school once again.

I ended a 3 year relationship after graduating from an LPN course, got a full time job, searched for love and found him after one and a half years. Got engaged at ten months of dating and married 9 months later.

That was about it. I gave birth to my son and became a Christian in 1999, .She came home to see the baby and I, which surprised me actually. The same day, though she left to nurse her boyfriend back to health as he had called to inform her he had a hangover. Not so surprised.

Lets jump to 2001. I gave birth to my daughter. At the age of 3 years old my husband and I noticed her doing strange things. Hopping, talking to herself, cutting weird shapes out of paper and using them as fidget toys. At 5 years old she was diagnosed with Tourette syndrome. Later with OCD, ADD and numerous types of anxiety.

By this time my high school bff and I were not aware of each other's lives. She was moving from province to province to accommodate her boyfriend's work with the army, and I was a mom.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

I did try numerous times to see her when she would return home to see her mom. Many times she returned home without even letting me know. Sometimes I'd see her boyfriend jogging in the village or at a store, and that was the only reason I knew she was around. Why? I don't know.

From the time my daughter was five until last February when she was 13, my life, and that of the whole family, especially my daughter's has been nothing but havoc!

My daughter was in excruciating mental anguish. She had no life. She couldn't get on the bus, stay in class or even school. In grade 4 her teacher's voice made her tic. The principal told me she did not believe my daughter had any mental problems, yet believed it was all lies that she was telling. This was the time my husband was 3 hours away at school, and I had to change our daughter to another school.A therapist told the school board that I was the reason for my daughter's issues. I was alone.

I don't remember much since then. My daughter was our main concern, and our son, for not being our main concern. We spent all our time taking our daughter to see her psychiatrist, or driving 3 hours to admit her to the psychiatric ward. I don't think 10 trips to Halifax is an exaggeration. Sometimes waiting up to 12 hours, only to be told they couldn't help us, and sending us back home.

Many times I would keep my Facebook page updated as to my daughter's admittances and state of mind. Not once did I receive any acknowledgement from my high school bff. I received no visits, no come on over for coffee....meet me in the cafeteria...Maybe she knew nothing.

During these passed few years I've had to become my daughter's advocate. I've had to force the IWK to admit my daughter for assessments, and update her meds, and for my own peace of mind. I was soooo close to admitting myself to a psychiatric ward. Finally I had to force my daughter's psychologist to fill out a form to admit her to a 24/5 program. Yes, I had to be a bitch. It worked.  She began the program that finally gave her a life.

Since last February 2015, I too got my life back. Fortunately or unfortunately the bitch in me is still here.  I wouldn't change a thing. It has made me who I am today.

A few weeks ago I received a text, in response to a facebook post, from high school bff telling me it's sad how I've changed and am no longer the same person she knew. We haven't been friends for 20 years. Acquaintances yes.

 When I saw this comment  it made me wonder, where was she when I was at out patients waiting for my daughter to receive a shot of Ativan? (Which actually made her worse!) Where was she while I was driving my daughter to see anyone, and during the drive she would haul on the steering wheel out of pure anxiety? Where was she when my daughter no longer wanted to live? Where was she when doctors refused to help us, or when the psychiatrist put my daughter on meds that made her see scary faces in the dark? I felt like an absolute zero, because I was the mom and I couldn't help my daughter!!! Where was she? How dare she judge me?

To this day I only have fond memories of our time together, and wish her only the best in life.


Friday, 9 October 2015

Therapeutic Frenglish Soaps

One bar is the size of  2 regular store bought.
Why is olive oil soap good for you?
Olive oil has been known to be good for you since 500 B.C.. We all know that olive oil reduces cholesterol when you consume it with foods. But did you know that consuming olive oil is also good for your skin?. Olive oil is a monounsaturated fatty acid that contains linolenic, alpha-linolenic, and oleic acid. This helps the body manufacture prostaglandins which moisten the skin and make it smoother and more firm. Olive oil contains antioxidants which fight cell degeneration. Hydroxytyrosol is a very powerful antioxidant found only in olive oil.

Here's how olive oil soap benefits your skin...
  • Olive oil soap softens and smooths your skin and is great for dry and sensitive skin because olive oil is a fantastic emollient (an agent that softens or soothes the skin).
  • Olive oil is great for relieving the symptoms of skin diseases like eczema and psoriasis.
  • Olive oil will not clog your pores because it is non-greasy making it great for people who suffer from Acne.
  • Olive oil contains squalene and squalane. Squalene is naturally produced by the sebum glands in the skin. The squalene and squalane work together to help prevent the skin's natural oils from oxidizing which could lead to cell deterioration.
  • Hydroxytyrosol gives olive oil anti-inflammatory properties which research shows is good for healing skin abrasions, rashes and sunburn. The hydroxytyrosol also has antimicrobial properties.
Olive oil is one of Nature's most beneficial products. Frenlish Soaps offers all the fantastic benefits of olive oil in its soap  in a way that benefits not only the skin but the senses as well because it's beautiful and delicately scented. It's the best olive oil soap money can buy.
For those of you with ultra sensitive skin, try Frenglish Soaps' all natural unscented regular, goat milk oatmeal or coconut milk oaps. They has absolutely no essential oils or other ingredients to color or add fragrance to them. They are the mildest and kindest pure olive oil soap you'll find anywhere.

Purchase Frenglish Soaps in bulk and save drastically on S&H
online here:


Thursday, 1 October 2015

Just a little something I'm trying out:)

Hey Searching for Sanity Readers,

This is what I discovered:

There are positive to mixed comments out there about Traffic Monsoon. Truth is, those who comment positively, are those who have joined Traffic monsoon already and enjoying the benefits. A few negative ones are from those who are not members of the site. They have no clue whatsoever what Traffic monsoon is. Basically their own judgment is driven by fear either from past scam encounters or they are just too negative and skeptical

So i joined. Here's what I found out so far...

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This really is good and quality advertising. Give this one some real attention.

Perfect for promoting new releases, and your other opportunities.

You can use the traffic exchange for free, so there's no reason not to try this one out here:


Thursday, 23 April 2015

Tourette Syndrome + Co morbidity

My daughter Ashlynd was diagnosed at age five with Tourette Syndrome. It was two-edged news to us. Finally she was diagnosed with "something", but on the other hand, now she was finally diagnosed with "something".

Who new the steep hill we were about to climb for the next 7 years? Her tics were just the "tip of the iceberg". We had no clue of the co morbid disorders that would be attached to her TS, nor how present they would be in her every day life, nor that they would be even more crippling than her primary diagnosis.

 Readers know about our fight to find Ashlynd the appropriate doctors, therapies and medications, yet many may not understand that educating friends, family and teachers of her disorders has been just as difficult a task.

Here is part of an article about TS and its co morbid  "tag alongs":

Frequently, the symptoms of TS and it’s co-morbid conditions are seen as
“purposeful behaviors” not related to the disability at all, when at its very core, TS is really all about a lack of control. 
Read the full article here:

Tuesday, 21 April 2015


Mama Kat's writing prompt this week has prompted me to share this little tale:

Years ago when my daughter Ashlynd was still very young, (3-4 years old) the family was watching television when a  commercial for Toyota came on. She advised her father and I that she had a Toyota.

We smiled at her comment and explained that a Toyota was a car, and that she didn't own one.

 She quickly responded by telling us that she had a Yoda and that it was a "toy Yoda"!

Friday, 17 April 2015

Ash has created a blog!

Be sure to check out my daughter Ashlynd's blog, called What Doesn't Kill You... She hopes to help others by sharing information and advice, and insights about her life!

An absolute MUST for canadian families wih disabled children!!

My daughter's struggle to find solace from her crippling mental health disabilities has been an ongoing battle for years. Having had a few stays in the children's mental health ward, along with taking part in a program  for children with debilitating anxiety (24/5 stay for three months), all of which took place three hours away from home, has been an ongoing struggle for both her father and I. (Not to mention her older brother)

Ashlynd's mental health has caused many ripple affects throughout her everyday life, from school to extra curricular activities to home life. In many cases these ripple affects caused more of a "lack" of life! Making sure she was getting the help she needed became our main goal for years and years. We never thought we'd ever qualify for any benefits from these trials.

 The Canadian child disability tax credit was brought to my attention some months ago by a family friend. She and her husband had investigated this "phenomenon". Weighing the pros and cons, they pursued the process by filling out the appropriate paperwork and were pleasantly surprised to have received a substantial  tax refund for the approved years.

My husband and I decided to look into the process ourselves. We approached Ashlynd's psychiatrist about filling out the claim forms, (...of which he did) and now we wait!

Although my husband and I have not received any refunds as of yet, I ask all families of disabled dependents to seriously look into this process. We all know the mental toll it takes on families, but what about the financial toll?

Please find the appropriate claim forms here: http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/E/pbg/tf/t2201/README.html