About 6 months ago I couldn't understand why I hadn't been coping well with my daughter's TS, OCD or ADD. I was always comparing myself to other moms, and wondering why I found motherhood so difficult. My brain told me that I may have more issues to deal with, but my mind told me I was inadequate regardless. I felt mentally drained all the time.
My husband and I visited our child's psychiatrist one day to discuss her progress, and I was astonished by what the doctor told us. He said that of all the children he treated in the tri counties, our daughter was the "sickest". It was a bitter sweet statement. I was sad to hear that my daughter was so ill, yet happy to hear why I hadn't been coping as well as I thought I should have been.
Furthermore, with my background of depression and OCD the doctor explained that my coping skills would need to be elevated so as to better be capable of helping my daughter. I was feeding of her, and she was feeding off me! It was kind of like "The blind leading the blind."Impossible.
The good doc prescribed me a very low dose of ativan to help take the edge off when I was close to ripping my own hair out during those trying times with my daughter. I only ever used one and noticed no improvement. He said I would probably not notice improvement, even though it was actually taking the edge off. Regardless of its usefulness, I refuse to take them.
Doc and I had a heart to heart about the perspectives in which I would need in order to cope. I had to search inside myself to understand that I had to separate myself from my daughter's issues. At first I thought this was impossible to accomplish. I finally realised I had to separate myself from her illnesses, not her. It's still a learning curve as each day brings a new surprise.
"Be the advocate your child needs you to be."